i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
