I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mom said you looked used
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
