real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm going to jail i love you
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
