she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
