Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
