I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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