Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
