u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
