Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
