Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
