o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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