I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
