your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
