I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Drake has all the answers
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
