Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
