I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
