omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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