why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
