oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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