90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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