Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
