You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
