The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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