he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they're like a gay fantastic four
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
