im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Randomize
