so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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