i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
