guys are not supposed to queef...right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
