Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
