just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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