my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You made out with two different species that night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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