I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
