It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
