I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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