a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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