I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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