just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
