There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
