remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
