I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
