the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
