Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
