Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
