Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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