I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
