Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
