She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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