Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
