If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize