you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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