hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
