Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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