I want to have your abortion
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize