if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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