his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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