Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
