she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
