Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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