i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
