I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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