You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
nutella sex= disaster
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
