I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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