Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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