Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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