Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
