I will die if light touches me.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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