watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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