I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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