well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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