I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
