ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That's when you crack a 10am beer
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
