My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
