Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
