Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
