my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
