Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
