How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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