2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize